Tiger Moms: Is Tough Parenting Really the Answer?

Photo-Illustration by Jim Naughten for TIME

It was the "Little White Donkey" incident that pushed many readers over the edge. That's the name of the piano tune that Amy Chua, Yale law professor and self-described "tiger mother," forced her 7-year-old daughter Lulu to practice for hours on end — "right through dinner into the night," with no breaks for water or even the bathroom, until at last Lulu learned to play the piece.

For other readers, it was Chua calling her older daughter Sophia "garbage" after the girl behaved disrespectfully — the same thing Chua had been called as a child by her strict Chinese father.
(See a TIME Q&A with Amy Chua.)

And, oh, yes, for some readers it was the card that young Lulu made for her mother's birthday. "I don't want this," Chua announced, adding that she expected to receive a drawing that Lulu had "put some thought and effort into." Throwing the card back at her daughter, she told her, "I deserve better than this. So I reject this."

Even before Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Chua's proudly politically incorrect account of raising her children "the Chinese way," arrived in bookstores Jan. 11, her parenting methods were the incredulous, indignant talk of every playground, supermarket and coffee shop. A prepublication excerpt in the Wall Street Journal (titled "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior") started the ferocious buzz; the online version has been read more than 1 million times and attracted more than 7,000 comments so far. When Chua appeared Jan. 11 on the Today show, the usually sunny host Meredith Vieira could hardly contain her contempt as she read aloud a sample of viewer comments: "She's a monster"; "The way she raised her kids is outrageous"; "Where is the love, the acceptance?"

Chua, a petite 48-year-old who carries off a short-skirted wardrobe that could easily be worn by her daughters (now 15 and 18), gave as good as she got. "To be perfectly honest, I know that a lot of Asian parents are secretly shocked and horrified by many aspects of Western parenting," including "how much time Westerners allow their kids to waste — hours on Facebook and computer games — and in some ways, how poorly they prepare them for the future," she told Vieira with a toss of her long hair. "It's a tough world out there."
(See Nancy Gibbs' take on the challenges of parenting.)

Chua's reports from the trenches of authoritarian parenthood are indeed disconcerting, even shocking, in their candid admission of maternal ruthlessness. Her book is a Mommie Dearest for the age of the memoir, when we tell tales on ourselves instead of our relatives. But there's something else behind the intense reaction to Tiger Mother, which has shot to the top of best-seller lists even as it's been denounced on the airwaves and the Internet. Though Chua was born and raised in the U.S., her invocation of what she describes as traditional "Chinese parenting" has hit hard at a national sore spot: our fears about losing ground to China and other rising powers and about adequately preparing our children to survive in the global economy. Her stories of never accepting a grade lower than an A, of insisting on hours of math and spelling drills and piano and violin practice each day (weekends and vacations included), of not allowing playdates or sleepovers or television or computer games or even school plays, for goodness' sake, have left many readers outraged but also defensive. The tiger mother's cubs are being raised to rule the world, the book clearly implies, while the offspring of "weak-willed," "indulgent" Westerners are growing up ill equipped to compete in a fierce global marketplace.

One of those permissive American parents is Chua's husband, Jed Rubenfeld (also a professor at Yale Law School). He makes the occasional cameo appearance in Tiger Mother, cast as the tenderhearted foil to Chua's merciless taskmaster. When Rubenfeld protested Chua's harangues over "The Little White Donkey," for instance, Chua informed him that his older daughter Sophia could play the piece when she was Lulu's age. Sophia and Lulu are different people, Rubenfeld remonstrated reasonably. "Oh, no, not this," Chua shot back, adopting a mocking tone: "Everyone is special in their special own way. Even losers are special in their own special way."

With a stroke of her razor-sharp pen, Chua has set a whole nation of parents to wondering: Are we the losers she's talking about?

华裔虎妈登上《时代》封面 严厉教育女儿惹争议


最新《时代》封面《虎妈的真实故事》


蔡美儿（中）与大女儿蔡思慧（左）和二女儿蔡思珊（右）


    她是虎妈，是美国耶鲁大学的华裔教授蔡美儿，近日她出版了一本名叫《虎妈战歌》的书在美国引起轰动。该书介绍了她如何以中国式教育方法管教两个女儿，她骂女儿垃圾、要求每科成绩拿A、不准看电视、琴练不好就不准吃饭等。

　　虎妈的教育方法轰动了美国教育界，并引起美国关于中美教育方法的大讨论，如今讨论随着《时代》周刊的参与几乎达到了一个高潮。虎妈的故事登上了最新一期《时代》周刊封面。

　　英媒评价

　　中国教育“强度”震惊世界

　　1月8日，《华尔街日报》刊发了一篇对《虎妈战歌》的书评，题目就有意无意地把东西方教育方式拉到了比武场内《为何中国母亲更胜一筹》。不过，这并非美媒第一次为了中国教育而紧张。2010年底，中国学生首次参加经济合作与发展组织（OECD）的一个学生评估项目，上海学生取得了所有34个参试国家中最好的成绩，这让美国坐不住了。当时美国在线杂志《石板书》认为，中美青少年成绩的对比让美国暗淡无光，而英国《金融时报》则一语双关地表示，中国的教育“强度”震惊世界。《纽约时报》援引里根政府时代教育部官员切斯特·费恩的话说，这使他又有了当年苏联抢先将人造卫星送入太空时美国人的震撼感。

　　这一次，《虎妈战歌》再一次刺中了美国人的神经。美国《洛杉矶时报》把蔡美儿的书描绘为“像病毒一样蔓延”。

　　讨论升级

　　教育上升到经济

　　《时代》周刊内文《虎妈的真实故事》写道：用她剃刀般锋利的笔，蔡美儿让整个美国的父母思考这样一个问题我们是不是就是她所说的“失败者”？

　　文章指出，美国经济糟糕得出奇，经济增长2.6%，失业率却能高到9%；而中国却有10%的经济增长，每年还有2500多亿的对美贸易顺差；经济是这样，教育也如此。

　　英国媒体分析称，美国人如此激烈的反应，其实跟中美表现迥异的经济状况密不可分，当美国遭遇大萧条以来最严重的经济颓势时，中国却稳步前进在经济增长的道路上，与其向中国领导人寻求答案，还不如去问问虎妈。

　　德国媒体也指出，如果不是因为中国经济奇迹日益受到关注，不是美国害怕中国崛起，这场争论可能很快就偃旗息鼓。英国《经济学人》杂志总结称，现在美国流行着关于中国崛起的种种“恐慌故事”，文章奉劝美国人：把这种教育方式的比较上升到国与国的高度并不合适。

　　虎妈澄清

　　书评断章取义

　　随着论战日渐激烈，风口浪尖上的蔡美儿日前澄清，引发论战的书摘是断章取义。蔡美儿强调，东方式的家庭教育如能配合母爱、理解和家长参与，肯定能帮助孩子长大后过幸福生活。她的书不是父母教育儿女指南，而是她为人母十余年的回忆录。《纽约时报》认为，这其实是她已经招架不住批评，从最初的立场上被迫后退。综合

　　反应

　　中国妈妈

　　担心“被代表”

　　不过虎妈的言论并没有得到中国妈妈的认可，著名海归洪晃就直斥蔡美儿的行为简直就像“地狱老母”，她表示：“我在中国所认识的诸位母亲中，没人会像她那样对待孩子，身为法学教授的蔡女士在自命不凡这方面，可算是孤芳自赏了。”的确，在中国大陆这个本应是“虎妈”聚居的“野蛮王国”里，很多妈妈却根本不买蔡美儿的账。

　　反思

　　教育子女

　　应中西合璧

　　针对美国媒体一窝蜂似的指责，《新闻周刊》则着力安抚着美国母亲们，报道称，即便虎妈们教育出来的孩子分数高，也并不意味着这个国家经济更强大、国民更有创造性、社会更胜一筹。中国出不了比尔·盖茨，而且，如果有条件，虎妈们还是会把孩子送到美国读哈佛。

　　中国传媒大学副教授陈凯认为，由于在中国“赢者通吃”，所以父母把太多的压力放在了子女身上。而美国教育却更关注孩子的品质、创新和独立，小孩可以很自由，而这也因此造成了小孩学习太放松，成绩不理想的情况。中美教育可以说是两个极端的教育，一个是“批评太多”，一个是“表扬太多”，而陈凯认为真正正确的应该是两者的综合体。